I Have Fibromyalgia 

One of the biggest issues I have with the diagnosis of fibromyalgia is the inconsistency. Inconsistency of what doctors think it is, what causes it, and how pain should be managed.

Then there’s the inconsistency of people watching you deal with your illness. They think you’re fine because you hide when you have pain. Then if you are caught in pain, they freak out thinking you need to be hospitalized because they have never seen you in such a way. There are also those people who think you can take a pill and do yoga to get over it. Mind over matter.

Last is the inconsistency of these “fibro attacks”. There are some times I expect to trigger an attack, like after something strenuous like a hike or bowling tournament. But then there are times it comes on and it just ruins my plans.

It flares up and I’m completely thrown off. Try explaining to a toddler why momma screamed and cried curled up on the floor after said toddler used an elbow on momma to push herself to an upright position. These times suck.

I will note that I have more attacks when taking birth control. Even though I’m on a low dose, it still seems to make a big impact on my life.

Sometimes I get so angry when I’m in pain that I go between anger and tears until the sadness takes over or I am finally able to sleep. I don’t like being angry at anyone and I know there is no reason for it. It’s just such a hard thing to process. Granted this is usually when the pain is really bad like tonight/this morning. 

Treating the pain is not guaranteed. Sometimes something as simple as ibuprofen or a magnesium supplement helps so much. Other times I end up wondering how long it’s going to last and if anything will make it go away or if it ever will.

I know more people with fibromyalgia now, but it’s such a shady subject to talk about. No one really wants to discuss their pain. People get afraid that they will be labeled as drug addicts or that people just won’t get it if they don’t have it…. but there are so many people who do!

I know sometimes I just want to connect and maybe hear what others do to feel better. Whether it’s self medicating, prescription, diet changes, natural treatments, I really don’t care. I think it’s more about not feeling alone because I haven’t found any sort of fool proof treatment. And that I just feel bad because sometimes I need help because it is too much on days like this. It’s tough, and I don’t like it, but I’m still here.

I’m still breathing.

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