Moving Forward

Both my partner and I are seeing new therapists. I think it is something that is important for us both. There has been so much death and other bad things and we each handle this stuff differently. We realized that the reason we haven't been supportive to one another is because we are both so burnt out. We each need help getting back on track. My partner becomes super codependent while I take control because I don't trust others to get stuff done. We each need to find a balance.

We have each decided to take on some lifestyle changes as well. I have been purging items we don't need for a while now, but now we need to take the next step. Everything has a space and everything in it's place. I have been doing much better with this concept, but my partner still struggles. We are looking for ways to help make the transition of putting things away, right away, easier to remember. He has ADHD and either gets hyper focused on something or just doesn't remember. I end up cleaning so much and don't have time to do fun things. I need everyone on board to make this work. If everyone takes care of things right away, this will reduce our tasks.

Another change is designated days or times for cleaning. Say I drop something on the floor, I will pick it up right away, but I'm mopping the whole floor tomorrow. Unless it could cause a stain or harm, it can wait. Waiting isn't a bad thing as long as there is a schedule to follow.

Then diet changes happen in August. I'm not thrilled, but it is meant to improve health over all. I'm hoping to be able to meal prep for much of the week. That should make it less stressful. It will also help my mom who is looking to have gastric bypass surgery.

My mom has struggled with her weight but has been under 300lbs for some time now. Both of her knees are blown, but they won't do surgery until she loses more weight and has the excess skin removed (it causes yeast issues with her legs cause it hangs). She doesn't qualify for skin removal until she loses more weight. Being mostly house bound, she can't lose more weight unless she can move around. We don't know if the bypass will do the trick, but it's the only next step that she can potentially take that puts her closer to knee surgery so she can walk. Also part of the stress we have been dealing with.

I'm ready for more positive changes. I know it will take time and I just have to stay focused and keep at it.


Finding My Way

Things have been stressful and crazy. Even when I try to avoid people, they still manage to find me and cause drama, or bring the drama to me. I'm very empathetic, so it's hard when I find myself caught up in this spiral and it's one thing after another. That's life though… Or is it?

I need to get back on track with working on my physical and emotional health. I'm so exhausted every day lately, but I push myself to keep moving. I miss walking with friends, because I know I have a hard time motivating myself. I'm the sort who sometimes just wants to walk with someone and barely say a word. I don't mind silence and I'm not afraid of it. I can be a talker at times, but I think I'm more worried about walking with someone and just hearing more drama.

I'd also like to converse with my partner more or better, but it's a frustrating process. I like us to be on the same page and help one another, but more often I feel like I'm a caretaker to them and my daughter. I feel like they do few really difficult tasks, after days to weeks of nagging to get it done, but them I'm left to sort everything else and make things work. And it's too much so I burn myself out, freak out, they say they will help more, but then can't get out of bed. So I'm left to do everything alone again. If things do happen, it's after much procrastination.

There is so much more to it and we've both been through a lot. We both have issues. It's just tiring and I feel like I can't work on myself because I just don't have the kind of hands on support that I need. I worry and know that I'm not providing what my partner needs, but even they don't know.

How do you support someone who doesn't know what they require?

They just started therapy and I need to do the same for myself. Still I'm wondering what the point is because what if my partner won't get up so I can even go to therapy? It happens so often but with family too. My issues are always put on the back burner because I cannot rely on people to be there for me when I need them to be. I may have to schedule when my daughter is in school, but with the drive, I'd still need someone to get her on and off the bus.

I just need to figure out how to make time for myself. How to care for myself and not just fill up on coffee and food to treat my anxiety, lethargy, and depression. And some guidance is needed to help me get on track, and maybe in turn, my partner will find their way as well!