Finding My Way

Things have been stressful and crazy. Even when I try to avoid people, they still manage to find me and cause drama, or bring the drama to me. I'm very empathetic, so it's hard when I find myself caught up in this spiral and it's one thing after another. That's life though… Or is it?

I need to get back on track with working on my physical and emotional health. I'm so exhausted every day lately, but I push myself to keep moving. I miss walking with friends, because I know I have a hard time motivating myself. I'm the sort who sometimes just wants to walk with someone and barely say a word. I don't mind silence and I'm not afraid of it. I can be a talker at times, but I think I'm more worried about walking with someone and just hearing more drama.

I'd also like to converse with my partner more or better, but it's a frustrating process. I like us to be on the same page and help one another, but more often I feel like I'm a caretaker to them and my daughter. I feel like they do few really difficult tasks, after days to weeks of nagging to get it done, but them I'm left to sort everything else and make things work. And it's too much so I burn myself out, freak out, they say they will help more, but then can't get out of bed. So I'm left to do everything alone again. If things do happen, it's after much procrastination.

There is so much more to it and we've both been through a lot. We both have issues. It's just tiring and I feel like I can't work on myself because I just don't have the kind of hands on support that I need. I worry and know that I'm not providing what my partner needs, but even they don't know.

How do you support someone who doesn't know what they require?

They just started therapy and I need to do the same for myself. Still I'm wondering what the point is because what if my partner won't get up so I can even go to therapy? It happens so often but with family too. My issues are always put on the back burner because I cannot rely on people to be there for me when I need them to be. I may have to schedule when my daughter is in school, but with the drive, I'd still need someone to get her on and off the bus.

I just need to figure out how to make time for myself. How to care for myself and not just fill up on coffee and food to treat my anxiety, lethargy, and depression. And some guidance is needed to help me get on track, and maybe in turn, my partner will find their way as well!


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